I'm Still Alive!

So I'm still alive! I found some of my old Xanga posts today and I think that I will be re-posting them over a stretch of time to give insight into my 2006-2007 self. Haha

We'll see how it goes. Really, I just want to delete my Xanga but there are some posts that I still enjoy looking back at, so I'll just re-post them here.

Independence Day!

I had to work on this Independence Day.

I went into work knowing that today wouldn't be a "normal" day. And I was right. We were the designated "parade unit". So what does that mean? We had to wash out ambo real good, then de-bug it. How do you de-bug? Well, you take a special chemical (which I inhaled copious amounts of today) and apply it to the infested ara, then scrub with all your might to release the carcass from the paint.

After we cleaned our ambo, we had to go down to Kingsville and stage for that parade. We get to where we need to be, its 930AM and we hang out for a while, I think the parade started at 11AM. We awkwardly drive down the parade route, lights flashing (no siren though, this is a "silent" parade) and wave at people who are gathered on the streets. After we complete the circuit, we clear and get some Five Guys. It is such a BEAUTIFUL day outside, that me and by partner, Brittney, decide to eat our burgers outback of the Corporate Office on the grassy knoll. It was nice! Brit, having worked the previous day AND overnight, decides to go in and take a little nap. I go and do some SERIOUS de-bugging of the ambo and spend about an hour making that thing shine! So we have 2 hours till we need to be at our next parade, so I go inside and watch The Fantastic Four on tv.

4PM rolls around and we head to Bel Air to get ready for the next parade. We get to where Dispatch tells us to go, but thats not the correct place. Dispatch told us to go to the place the parade starts...but that isn't where we "stage" before hand. So we drive to a location, they check us off a list and we wait for about a half our. We then realize that we're not with the other fire apparatus, we're with the classic cars. So we key up Dispatch and are like, "uhh, we're where we're supposed to be, but we don't think this is right." So after some research, Dispatch tells us that we're supposed to be at the fire department. So we do a 3 point turn in a narrow street b/c we can't go forward since the road is shut down (the other ambo with us lost a mudflap in the process). We get to the fire department and they're getting ready to leave, we follow them to another location to find out that they don't have us on the list. So I'll spare you the details, but after many phone calls and conversations with officials, we decide to just join the end of the fire apparatus. Great.

So 7PM rolls around (we got here at 430PM mind you) and we line up, lights flashing) at the start of the parade. 8PM and we FINALLY get our turn to go down the parade route. It was ridiculous. The kids were really excited for the ambulance and the lights and many hollered "turn on your siren!" so of course I did! However, the siren has many different different sounds, depending on which position the switch is in. It also has a button called "Man" for manual mode for quick "yelps" of the siren and a "horn" button for the air horn. Well, my "Man" button got stuck in the down position and my quick "yelp" turned into an ear-splitting wail. I quickly fumbled with the siren and just cut off the power to it all together. Oops! But over all, it was good once we got moving. The time leading up to it was killer. 930PM rolls around and I finally get to clock out and go home. 13.5 hours worked. Unfortunately, my employer only recognizes 4 holidays...and the 4th of July isn't one of them. So 13.5 hours of straight pay is what I earned today for basically sitting in "traffic" for many hours.

It was fun though!

GC-5

Yesterday we explored the island. 

We drove from all 22 miles of it.

Laid by the pool for a bit. 

Took some pictures.

GC-4

2 dives this morning. Saw and touched a turtle just living his life : ) Came back and laid by the pool for a couple hours, got some sun! 

Dinner and family drama.

Watching tv for the past few hours.

Chill day tomorrow.

GC- 3

We didn't dive today, so I woke up at 1130 which was nice. I woke up fully expecting today to be a wash, they were calling for rain and cloudy skys all day. However, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the sun was shining! So I hurried and got my bathing suit on and headed down to the beach, popped my iPod on and laid around in the sun for a couple hours. Then we had lunch and went to Hell.

Hell is a tourist trap with it's own post office! Its based around these 1.5 million year old iron/rocky things that look like spikes in the ground...it basically looks like you'd imagine Hell to look like. So we hung out there for a bit, mailed some postcards from Hell (check the postmark!) and then headed to Dolphin Cove, where, duh, we saw dolphins! They were cool. 

Headed back to the condo and chilled until dinner. Watched Uncle Buck on tv and now I'm heading to bed. 2 dives in the AM.

Night!

Grand Cayman- Day 2

Today was a wash.

Woke up at 630 to go diving, the sun was out for about 10 minutes before it starting to pour. We get to the boat and it lets up, do 2 dives and make it back home. It rains again. It stops and we head into Georgetown and walked around the shops with the other tourists who came off the cruise ship that day. 

Nothing too exciting. 

I watched Up! It was good!

Hopefully tomorrow will be sunny! I doubt it though, its supposed to be crappy all week : (

Grand Cayman- Day 1

So I've decided to do daily journal entries while here in beautiful Grand Cayman. They'll all be about one day off, b/c I'll live the day, then blog about it. I don't want to leave anything out by blogging during the day and have something cool happen later! That wouldn't be fair to you! 

Day 1:

We (Mom and Dad) awake at 1Am after a few hours of sleep (I didn't sleep at all) and groggily make our way to Reagan International Airport in DC. It takes about 1 1/2 hours to get there and by the time we unload and park the car, its around 5AM. We strip, go through security, and then wait for a few minutes for our 6AM flight to Philadelphia. We get on a little rinky-dink commuter jet and 22 minutes later we're in Philly. We have 3 hours to kill until our next plane leaves, so we get some breakfast. 

Fast-forward to 1230 Cayman time (130 east coast time) and we step off the plane into 88 degree, 70% humidity Grand Cayman. We go through Immigration and Customs, have a bit of a fiasco with the rental car, and eventually get to our condo on Seven Mile Beach. I don't really remember what we did, b/c I had been up for 24 hours at this point, and it's all a blur. I know that my parents went out for a walk, and I was laying on the couch watching Dirty Jobs, it was around 730. The next thing I know, its 4Am and I'm fully clothed, in my bed. I change, and sleep until 830. Apparently, my parents went for their walk, I fall asleep and when they got back, I was passed out in my bed. I don't remember getting into bed. 

So that was Day 1! 

I'll blog about today, tomorrow!

Life Update

I want to be a paramedic. 

I'm going to be a paramedic.

I strive to be a flight paramedic.

...I just don't know where to start.

Reassurance

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'"

Isaiah 30:21

"Traditional" learning isn't for everyone

I'm really, really depressed.

Now, before you all freak out, its just me being retarded in chemistry. Why can't I pass BASIC chemistry? I already struck-out once, and I'm well on my way to striking out again. No matter what help I get, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I pray, I am not understanding anything that we're doing in this god-forsaken class. Everyone says, "Oh, well you've already taken it once, it should be easier this time!" WRONG!! If anything, its harder! You have all of you past failures behind you, reminding you that you already failed this once before. 

It is just so discouraging when everyone around you is understanding the material, and you're not. I don't know what to do. I emailed my professor to see if I have any chance of passing this class. I hope I can just get a "C" and move on to the SECOND half of this class. Eff my life. 

I really love my major, I don't want to do anything else. I don't want to be a teacher, a philosopher, an engineer, an artist, an architect, a lawyer, a businessman, an accountant, and I sure as hell can't get into the nursing program. 

I'm not in school for the academics. I'm here because society says that I have to be. If I didn't need a bachelors degree to get a good paying job and to be "successful", then I would split like a banana. 

I love my friends, I can't even bear the thought of leaving here. Cru means so much to me, my friends are my world. But can I stay here when it may not be offering me anything anymore? Should I pursue studies elsewhere? Should I let this one class destroy my hopes and dreams? 

I hate this. 

I just want to go become a MSP trooper and do some time there, eventually work my way to becoming a flight paramedic. That would be my dream. Why aren't I chasing it? Well, for one, the current state of the MSP Aviation Command, it's on the fringe of being reformatted and radically changed. Also, I really don't want to be a police officer...I don't think. I just don't want to be shot, stabbed or otherwise maimed. 

I want to make a difference. I want to change the life of one person, every day. I want to be excited to go to work. I want to leave work feeling satisfied. I want to be recognized for what I do. I don't want to be at a desk. I want to make enough money to support a wife and family. 

I don't want to leave my family here, in Salisbury. 

Lord, help me. Show me the way, God, show me what You want me to do. Lord, I can't do this alone. I can't make life decisions by myself. I'm scared, God. I'm scared that I'm not going to know what You want me to do. I'm scared of failing in life. Lord give me the strength and the faith to know that without a doubt, You will not let me fail. Give me the courage to make the decisions that I have to make. Lord, make Your plans for me clear.

I love you Lord, I need you.

Amen.

Nerves

I tend to be a very nervous individual when it comes to certain things. Sure, I try not to let it show on the outside, but on the inside, its all butterflies. One of the things that gets the nerves going, is heading back to work after a 6 month hiatus. I'm just worried about little dumb things like paperwork. I hate paperwork and I always worry that I'm going to miss something. But here goes nothings, I just gotta jump in with both feet.

Wish me luck.

Life in a Song

Back when I was just a baby Christian, I was really into Casting Crowns. I still like their music, but I don't listen to it nearly as much as I once did. Last night, I was going through my music and came across my Casting Crowns selection, well, nostalgia got the best of me and before I knew it, I was listening to them. One song in particular, just really sums up my life right now:

Praise You in This Storm

by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down 

and wiped our tears away, 

stepped in and saved the day. 

But once again, I say amen 

and it's still raining 

as the thunder rolls 

I barely hear You whisper through the rain, 

"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls 

I raise my hands and praise 

the God who gives and takes away. 

Chorus: 

And I'll praise you in this storm 

and I will lift my hands 

for You are who You are 

no matter where I am 

and every tear I've cried 

You hold in your hand 

You never left my side 

and though my heart is torn 

I will praise You in this storm 

I remember when I stumbled in the wind 

You heard my cry to You

and raised me up again 

my strength is almost gone how can I carry on 

if I can't find You 

and as the thunder rolls 

I barely hear You whisper through the rain 

"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls 

I raise my hands and praise 

the God who gives and takes away 

Chorus 

I lift my eyes onto the hills 

where does my help come from? 

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth 

I lift my eyes onto the hills 

where does my help come from? 

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth 

Chorus 

Me, in a nutshell.

Amen.

Hehe and LOL

Stacy London, from What Not to Wear, is on the Today show this morning talking about pants. 

She just said, "cameltoe." *snicker* The host was all like, "uhh...*awkward glance at the camera* ok." lol

But as for a more substantial post, I had a doctors appointment today. I hate doctors. I love medicine, but I hate doctors. I am such a bad patient. I don't like doctors that are super fast and have an "in and out" mentality. I also don't like doctors that belittle me; "Oh he's only 19, I must talk to him like he's 12." I don't expect them to know that I'm am EMT, and have slightly more medical knowledge and an ability to understand medical things a bit more than Joe Public, but still, thats no reason to coddle me. 

Anyway, I blame my mom, both of our BP's shoot up when we go see the doctor.

But yea, after Christmas, and before RADIATE, I went to my GP b/c I was having abdominal "discomfort." Now, not anything gross or anything, but just like a muscle spasm. LUQ for anyone who cares, but it was just like a pulsing or a twitching. So my GP said everything felt fine and she said she didn't think it was a AAA (Google it if you wish) which was good, but she ordered an ultrasound. 2 days later I go and get an ultrasound, they didn't see anything wrong with what I was complaining about, but they saw that my right kidney was enlarged.

*enter urologist*

My Dad, bless him, goes with me to the urologist this morning, I suppose for moral support. But oh, no, he wants to go in the room with me and everything. I'm like, "No Dad, really, its okay." (Again with the belittling and not thinking that I'm fully capable of explaining to the doctor what is typed up in front of him.) So long story short, the doctor feels my kidney areas or whatever, and then explains what he wants to do...to my Dad. Doesn't explain the procedure that is being done to ME, to me. He explains it to my Dad. Golly gee Doc! Thanks for that! Even when I ASK intellegent questions that CLEARLY show that I know SOMETHING about what's going on, I just get polite smiles and simple words. But anyway, I leave with an order for a CT scan next Friday. He doesn't think its anything serious, but the CT scan should just make sure everything is functioning okay and stuff.

So yea, thats been my life since Christmas. Obviously this was more of a rant then anything. There have been many good things going on lately as well : ) More on that later.

I'm leaving for MA on Sunday and will be back Thursday. Might have internet, might not.

Peace out, cub scout.