I’m begging You to be my escape.

Hi,

So I've hit the point in the semester where I don't want to do this whole "higher education" thing anymore. It has hit every semester except for the one I did at HCC. I just don't want to be in college any more, I just don't want to be here anymore. I have advising today at 330, and as I was looking over just how much I need to do before I can even get into the respiratory program...its just too much. I'm not one to freak out over taking time to get shit done, but its just so overwhelming. Respiratory only takes accepts applicants in the Fall semester, and since I'm already behind on credits, that means an extra semester here. Again, I'm not one to freak out just because I have another semester of learnin', I love to learn. But its just discouraging. I already know that I suck at math, and Stats isn't going so well right now, and then I have another math to take after this one. I work hard, I do, but it just never clicks.

But then again, who knows exactly what I have to take anyway. There are 2 reports online that have conflicting information on them regarding what I have to take as gen ed's. Hopefully advising will take care of some of these inconsistencies today. But hey, advising has never gone well for me in the past. I do have a new advisor though, so who knows. All I know is that life is pretty crappy right now, with some sporadic laughter and happiness thrown in here and there. God has really been putting it on my heart lately to get away. Deep inside has always been that twinge to get away, to escape, but its grown. Last Thursday at Cru, it really just clicked that I need to get away, its not something that I want to do to escape my life and my problems; its something that I need to do to get back to relying on God for everything. This summer I was in such a good place in my walk with God; I was on a high, a mountaintop, life was wonderful. I realize that we can't live on that high, we aren't supposed to live on that high. Its good for us to experience that high every once in awhile though, so between the mountaintops, when we're in the valleys, we don't get discouraged. I just feel that ever since I left my mountaintop, I've been stuck in the valley.

I'm not as strong as I used to be, I'm not as strong as I want need to be. I just need to get away, get away to a place where I have to rely on God 100% of the time, not just the times where I have no where else to turn. I'm slipping and sliding, but I know I won't fall because He will catch me.

Lord send me a mountaintop.

Amen.